A father walks by his son’s room. He notices, with his parental instincts, that something must be wrong. The room is spotless and even the bed is made. Several alarms go off at once, especially when he sees a letter on the pillow with the word “Dad” written on the envelope. Expecting the worst, he opens the letter and begins reading it with trembling hands.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I am writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve because of her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and the fact she’s much older than I am.
But it’s not only the passion Dad; she’s pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with other people in the commune — for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don’t worry, Dad. I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table. Call when it’s safe for me to come home!”
This son is clearly a veteran in breaking bad news to his parents.
Share this teenager’s wicked idea. His parents are surely grateful for his bad grades for the first time ever.